Let me go
Leave me alone
Quit trying to tie me up
Let me be free
I’m struggling, trying to break my chains
I look at the faces, all the same,
no feeling, no life
I live with God damn robots
Help me get out!
I’ll never go back
racing away, screaming
you won’t catch me
but it’s all a dream
shackled like an animal
the noise, stop the crying
stabbing keep stabbing
Let me go
Leave me alone
Please, please, let me be free
I dreamed about you last night. How could you dominate my mind when I was just getting over you? It is like taking steps backward. It has been six months since last time I saw you. Where are you now? Do you think of me or…
I have thought about you often! It has been 6 months since I have returned and I have seen your grave. At first, all I wanted to do was die. Now life seems a lot easier but I still think of you often. I will never get over you. I sometimes wonder if I shall ever love another? Sometimes I forget you are gone. When I first wake up in the morning I call your name. In the dark, I look for your body next to mine.
This story is mostly a dream that I had awhile ago. I loved the basic story so I have embellished it.
I am Elvira in a movie with some girl named Vanessa and three guys. The makers liked what they saw and hired me for a pirate movie. The Pirate, Matt, and some old guy are all important men in my dream but I don’t meet them all at once. First, the Pirate, he leads a secret life which no one must know about. Somehow I work out what his secret is. We become romantically involved as we make the new movie but eventually he leaves. Now Matt, the director, and I fall in love. We really have feelings for each other. I don’t know why but after awhile he tries to stay away from me. I live with the stunt crew they are like a family. It is fun but they get into some type of accident.
I am ordered to the movie company’s board room. There are two people in the room, Matt, and the old man. They tell me they are thinking about giving Vanessa my next movie part. First, I am delighted to see her. But then I remember how she can not be a nice person. The old man starts yelling at me and Matt says to shut up. Something happens to me and the old man’s words hurt so much that soon I have some kind of physical injury. I leave the room. In the hallway, I see the Pirate’s picture. At that moment I realize what the Pirate has been trying to hide. A crab reaches out from the picture and grabs me. It yanks me into the picture. The next thing I know I am with the Pirate. He is relieved to see me and I am in the picture with him for a couple of days. He knows about Matt. I ask if I can stay with him in the picture, he says no. He kisses me passionately then he says goodbye. I move into a house with a lot of windows next to the beach with
I pushed out of the picture and I move into a house with a lot of windows next to the beach. I have a maid for a companion. I see my roommate and then someone tries to stab me. I am unharmed but my attacker kills the maid. The killer reports the stabbing to the police. Everyone thinks I am dead. Then a few days later another report is released saying it was all a false alarm. I go to my 5-year high school reunion. I see a friend of mine who was very popular. He owns a yellow convertible Ferrari. He doesn’t recognize me. Another friend and I convince him of who I am. We decide to go driving. I wake up from the dream when he realizes who I am after we go to a donut shop. All the time I am wondering if Matt misses me. And if he is having an affair with Vanessa.
In the beginning of time, the good always overpowered the evil that was found in all of man’s sins. While evil tried to stand strong among the dust of hell he constantly was searching for the blackest of hates. He who was feared waiting opportunity.
Now many many lifetimes later good is being destroyed, beaten down. Only the corpses of good men and ashes of dreams on bloods stained streets remain. It has been written that those who have youth have the future. So come now children be strong.
Well if it isn’t one thing then it is something else. We had a great party on Friday and something was stolen from J’s room. To make a long story short, he hasn’t really talked to anyone since yesterday morning. I really don’t understand why he is so upset! So, he has to cancel a few checks. Well, anyway, a few days before he was saying he might move into the Sigma Nu house. Poor C. she is almost in tears. Of course, I get blamed for waking him up. But none of us have been perfect roommates! Maybe he would rather live with his frat it is not like we are his buddies or anything. I have decided that I don’t like roommates and I can’t wait until I live on my own. The more I think about moving back home the better it sounds. Gosh, a great apartment can be mine not to mention a great job. I could go walk on the beach every day after work.
Life always sounds good until you live it.
Then you think of a better way you could live. Take this exact moment for instance. I am very worried because I sleep too much! I feel like I don’t go out much. I am starting to like living in that cave which is not a good thing. It sounds really good right now to go on a huge walk to think and look at the houses on those back streets under those beautiful huge trees next to the creek. I also miss God and the church.
Today I am officially starting to turn the wheels for my art minor! Can you believe it? That is one thing I like about life. I never thought I could have an art minor and now I am going to do it. I never thought I could do art for a living. But still it would be nice to be able to paint and draw better. Hell, maybe one day, I could be famous. I don’t mind being rich! I could just live in a nicer area on the beach. All the cute life guards could come over after work for a beer! I could learn how to surf. I guess you can’t change who you are. I notice a lot of people don’t want to. I was right at 13 and I am right at 20. I don’t want to leave the beach. College is great! Without it I would probably go insane! But I think I will be more than ready to go home in 3 or 5 semesters whichever comes first!
I don’t know where I want to do my student teaching but I do know that I am ready to get out of school!
Well this is probably the first official closing I have given in weeks.
I love you, here is to hoping my problems will disappear. I will find you out there just be patient!
I really am ready to wrap up my college career. Don’t get me wrong. College was probably the best thing that has happened to me. But with 5 semesters down and five to go, I feel more than half way. I’ve got seven more classes for my major and 18 more units for my minor and I am done. Oh, plus one year for my credential but that involves student teaching. I don’t know if I want to do that here or back home. I am graduating in May of 1991. That is 18 months away. Gosh, time flies. I am really thinking about going home. You know I never thought I would be happy anywhere else but golly home really does sound like pure joy. Get a little apartment in R., teach at South, and join a volleyball league. Take some night classes in art. Maybe pick it up as a major. Go to USC and get my M.A. in Social Science. Go to South football games on Friday nights. Go partying on Saturday. Definitely, learn how to surf. See old friends in C. show S. around and anyone else.
I don’t know why I am writing to you. I really don’t have too much to say. This Saturday is GDI’s “Around the World”. We have to dress like tacky tourists. I am really liking GDI right now. In fact, I am bummed that I didn’t start earlier. When I graduate I will have had 7 semesters of GDI. That is really a long time.