October 10, 1989

My Love,

I am truly sorry that I was so abrupt but I had two midterms and my patience was very short.

So much has happened gosh were do I begin?  Hell, right now I am in my art history class. Yes, I’ve picked up a new minor, Art!  I hate this class though.  The teacher is an idiot and this is my worse class. Yuck.

Boy wise, well now that’s a good one.  I some how have picked up P.  I really don’t know how.  Last semester he was dating this really pretty girl.  He was great and funny so I thought gosh just one night.  Like with D.  Well, he broke up with W. and he came over one night, I don’t even know why, I guess to see S and M and then he kissed me and stayed the night on my couch.  The point is, it was okay.  He is a nice guy but that is where it ends. He comes over last Saturday and I was pretty buzzed and we are first goofing around and stuff.  You know how I get when I am buzzed.  Anyway he tells me that his sister’s apartment is empty.  Yeah, thanks, for telling me, what do I care?  Anyway, he rides me around on his motorcycle which is awesome, and I tell him.  Get this, I tell him that I am not ready to sleep with him.  He tells me he has never asked me to sleep with him. Ha, yeah, that’s why you have been pressuring me.  Can you believe it?  Anyway, he is coming over next Wednesday.  I forgot to tell him I have class until 10:00 pm, so I probably won’t see him.

Gosh, I just got back my art test, I won’t tell the score for fear this manuscript falls into enemy hands so let’s just say I need to study for the next one.

But P. isn’t my only man problem.  G. is killing me. I thought he liked me.  Now I know it isn’t true.  He is, first, a big flirt. But now I think I like him. Whenever I am at a party I basically throw myself at him.  Which is so typical of me.  But last party J. was getting pretty friendly.  Of course, what I should realize is that he was drunk and had beer goggles.

I have been dreaming about S. dreaming that I am without him.  I think I have reached that period where a boyfriend doesn’t sound so bad.  Do you remember last time I felt like this?  An awesome night on a veranda with a full moon.  The night was warm and breezy, goosebumps crawling up my arms thinking about you.  I was 13 years old and I was wishing that you really existed.  I was afraid I would never find a boy.  Seven years doesn’t even seem that long ago.

C. and I, well we are okay but she does get on my nerves.  I don’t understand why I always hang-out with the same people.  Although, I have noticed that all my new friends are nothing like L. or C. which is good.

Nostradamus has predicted a third world war that will last for twenty-seven years starting in the years 1993-1997.  I don’t believe it.  Well, my logical mind doesn’t but thinking about such horrors makes me happy for the way that I live now. It also really makes me want to live in the past.  No excitement, nothing I don’t know about, no smog, or destruction, no depletion of ozone, no extinction of wild life.

I am not excited about the future.  I am excited over the prospect of my children.

I also had another dream that I left school to have a baby, God forbid.  I realize I am so unable to care for a child right now.  I want to travel.

Fare thee Well,

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April 20, 1989

My Dear,

I was contemplating writing you or to another.  You, of course, won.  You are closer to my heart and you were in my thoughts first.

Do you remember the warm nights on the beach with the moon shining above?  Those will be nights I will never forget.

How are things for you?  I am okay.  I am back to my weight loss problem/progress.  I have lost two pounds making me weigh 165.  Tonight, I am drinking but I don’t know, I don’t really want to.  I think this has been the first time.  You see I am worried about money, my weight and my relationship with two of my good friends.  I feel they, S. and C., don’t like me anymore.  It is not my fault, I don’t understand their problems.  Just like I know you are the only one who understands mine.

I am thinking a lot about T. lately  Well, everyone is back so instead of signing off I’ll toast to you…

December 6, 1988

My Dearest,

“Teddy Boy-Grandma’s joy”.  I wanted to write that down so I wouldn’t forget it.  And for the millionth time I am wishing for something that is just beyond my grasp.  But I will try to change that.  Nothing is happening at all.  I have been painting, never leaving the house.  It is not good and I feel kind of sick.  Tomorrow, I think, I will go to the beach and maybe take some pictures.  Right now school sounds good.  Good friends and a busy schedule.  Come home to good music, a full stomach,  painting, and homework.  I sound very mature but that can not be helped.  I can see it now, a yuppie attitude in a freshman college student and why not?  Get up at six am, go to class at eight.  Get off at around five pm.  Eat dinner than drink my milk-juice-whatever.  Listen to music, do homework, paint, read a book, and go to bed.  Does it sound dull?  Don’t worry, I will spice up my weekends.  My new image is Laura Holt.  You know T.V. was always my escape.  I still enjoy looking at it as much as reading.

She hadn’t seen him in years and even now she didn’t know if it was a good idea to acknowledge that he was there.  “How have you been?”, he asked.  “Fine” she had said hurriedly.  Oh, how she had loved him.  It had been no silly fling for her. She wished he would go so that she could cry and then try to forget him. She knew she would fail in that regard, yet again.

Does that sound depressing?  I think I will make a day out of the beach tomorrow.  You know, pack a lunch, the whole ten yards, as they say.  I will get all dressed up.  I will be in true Laura Holt fashion.  Bring my camera and write you a letter.  I will write something to warm your cold nights without me.

“Ahh, dabbling in mystery yet again, when will I ever learn, Mr. Steele?”
“Perhaps never, Ms. Holt”
“Let’s hope so, Mr. Steele”
“Dinner and a movie?”
“Why not?” she said as Remington Steele handed her a glass of Champagne.
“Cheers,” he said seductively, as he leaned into Laura Holt.  She simply smiled and patiently waited…

And so do I, as I bid you a farewell,