January 13, 1988

My Dear,

Vision Quest, that is what I will call it.  In six days, I am going to start something big. Good grades and a good body.  Like Billy Pike used to say, you come in this world alone and you leave it alone, so I am going to do this alone.  I don’t want to die tomorrow and have nothing to show for it.  It will be the biggest thing I have ever done. I have to start somewhere. Journey’s “Only the Young” is in my mind.  I  can do it and I will.  This is my time.  This is for me, not anyone else but me.  I want to win. It’s like that guy says about Pele`, he was sitting there watching TV and he saw that great thing and he and everyone in the stands were cheering. But he was crying because he had never done anything. So eat up while I can six days!

I was in the room here one day watching the Mexican channel on TV.  I know nothing about Pele`.  I’m watching what this guy can do with a ball. Next thing I know he jumps up in the air and flips into a summersault an kicks the ball in upside down and backwards.  The God damn goalie doesn’t even know what the f@#k hits him.  Pele` gets excited an he rips off his jersey, starts running around the stadium, waving it over his head.  Everybody is screaming in Spanish. I’m here sitting alone in my room and I start crying.  Yeah, that’s right.  I start crying.  There’s another human being, a species which I happen to belong, he kicks a ball, lifts himself, the rest of us sat there as human beings wishing up to a better place to be even just for a minute.  Let me tell ya, kid, it was pretty God damn glorious.  It ain’t the six minutes.  It’s what happens in that six minutes.

Until next time,


December 6, 1988

My Dearest,

“Teddy Boy-Grandma’s joy”.  I wanted to write that down so I wouldn’t forget it.  And for the millionth time I am wishing for something that is just beyond my grasp.  But I will try to change that.  Nothing is happening at all.  I have been painting, never leaving the house.  It is not good and I feel kind of sick.  Tomorrow, I think, I will go to the beach and maybe take some pictures.  Right now school sounds good.  Good friends and a busy schedule.  Come home to good music, a full stomach,  painting, and homework.  I sound very mature but that can not be helped.  I can see it now, a yuppie attitude in a freshman college student and why not?  Get up at six am, go to class at eight.  Get off at around five pm.  Eat dinner than drink my milk-juice-whatever.  Listen to music, do homework, paint, read a book, and go to bed.  Does it sound dull?  Don’t worry, I will spice up my weekends.  My new image is Laura Holt.  You know T.V. was always my escape.  I still enjoy looking at it as much as reading.

She hadn’t seen him in years and even now she didn’t know if it was a good idea to acknowledge that he was there.  “How have you been?”, he asked.  “Fine” she had said hurriedly.  Oh, how she had loved him.  It had been no silly fling for her. She wished he would go so that she could cry and then try to forget him. She knew she would fail in that regard, yet again.

Does that sound depressing?  I think I will make a day out of the beach tomorrow.  You know, pack a lunch, the whole ten yards, as they say.  I will get all dressed up.  I will be in true Laura Holt fashion.  Bring my camera and write you a letter.  I will write something to warm your cold nights without me.

“Ahh, dabbling in mystery yet again, when will I ever learn, Mr. Steele?”
“Perhaps never, Ms. Holt”
“Let’s hope so, Mr. Steele”
“Dinner and a movie?”
“Why not?” she said as Remington Steele handed her a glass of Champagne.
“Cheers,” he said seductively, as he leaned into Laura Holt.  She simply smiled and patiently waited…

And so do I, as I bid you a farewell,

December 30, 2016

My Dearest Heart,

I saw two episodes of Remington Steele.  Not only is it a T.V. show but it is one of my favorite T.V. shows, a touchstone if you will.  The elegance, the sophistication, the intrigue make the show so fabulous. Since I was in the Eighth grade, 1983, I have dreamed of becoming a private investigator and leading an exciting life, visiting many countries.  Well, I realized I can never be an investigator or a con artist but I can travel and

I so much want to lead an adventurous life.

And lead a life of sophistication and of course, Remington Steele, Harry, is a very handsome man.  I wish I was pretty enough to have him for a boyfriend but I am sure I could be if I really tried.  Maybe someday.  I could see me now, teaching school in the winter and traveling in the summer.  I would like to be able to spend at least three weeks where ever I go.  That way I can really get the feeling of the place.  Greece, Rome, France, Spain, Africa, the list never ends.  My greatest wish is to fill this page, and the ones coming ahead, with stuff people want to read about.  I want to be that old grandma that tells exciting tales.

For now,