April 20, 1989

My Dear,

I was contemplating writing you or to another.  You, of course, won.  You are closer to my heart and you were in my thoughts first.

Do you remember the warm nights on the beach with the moon shining above?  Those will be nights I will never forget.

How are things for you?  I am okay.  I am back to my weight loss problem/progress.  I have lost two pounds making me weigh 165.  Tonight, I am drinking but I don’t know, I don’t really want to.  I think this has been the first time.  You see I am worried about money, my weight and my relationship with two of my good friends.  I feel they, S. and C., don’t like me anymore.  It is not my fault, I don’t understand their problems.  Just like I know you are the only one who understands mine.

I am thinking a lot about T. lately  Well, everyone is back so instead of signing off I’ll toast to you…


April 17, 1989

My Dear,

Only thirty-two more days for this school year to be over.  And for once I am not afraid to say I want to go home.  This has not been the best semester for me.  Oh sure, I have had a lot of fun but things are so hectic.  I have been living out of a suitcase and I am so tired.  I always feel bad, I think it is because I am not eating right.  I don’t know who I am living with next year and that worries me.  I know I am living with C. and that is starting to make me nervous.  I am tired of school and I wonder if I have any friends?  I am running out of money and I am seeking male companionship.  I am smarter than most in knowing I will not find him at a one night stand.  So when guys come home with me it is more or less a joke.  The only guy I really respected was M.  but I haven’t seen him since and I sometimes wonder if he wasn’t the one?  I feel awful because I am so fat, I feel guys don’t like me because of it.  I do feel I am prettier, though.  Writing this down, I feel so stupid.  The way I see it.  Thirty days of hell to go than three months of complete silence and then I will be ready for the hectic pace that is college.

You are right, I can hear you now, “Stop feeling sorry for yourself”, you would say.

I will my love, tomorrow.